So when I say ‘no’ to doing something that I always say no to and with that feel any uncomfortableness then I should say ‘yes’ to it. In order to rid myself of that shame, because the faster I get over it the faster I will enjoy my life a lot more.

To explain further, most people want to be connected to someone, to people. What holds us back is the idea that we should be as society deems. Skinny, rich, healthy, social, family oriented and the list goes on depending on the environment you have been bought up in.
Because of this we would rather pretend (hence the huge debt people are in) in order meet those ideals. Although this may succeed in getting other people to believe this pretence, it does not seem to fit with who we truly are (hence to repercussion of debt).
What Brene says is that if we allow ourselves to be shamed this releases us from having to meet others ideals.
What is beneath the shame is vulnerability in that we allow everyone to see us completely un-alered and with no pretence.
To put ourselves through this punishment is to live a life that aligns with our own idea of worthiness and on top of that CONNECTIONS that are authentic. To let yourself be shamed is to let yourself be free from those invisible shackles.
What does this mean as a coach?
When a client is stuck and is afraid I will:
- question further
- acknowledge the core of the fear
- highlight the goal
- discuss the process towards the goal
– identify fact and fiction
- push small steps

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I must assume that you know the basics.

1.  Set the goal
2. Write down the intention
3. Work out the challenges
4. Set a time

Simple, yes?

I have done a certificate in professional coaching and it is through this that goal setting has taken on a whole new meaning.  Most would have given goal setting a go at some point and after some misses, give up on the idea of goal setting.

Well, I can tell you that there is an art to setting a goal. 

So … As I like to document my thoughts I have decided to break up goal setting into components and basically ‘copy & paste’ what I know and have learnt into a series of blogs.  So by the end of this, you will have hopefully great tricks to goal setting, that are above what we normally know.

The component that I would like to add to this series is the human component, the biggest part … YOU.

Goal setting can seem so traditional and business like and very regimented, but the best goals that are set are the ones that have a heavy thread of YOU throughout. 

So… trick 1. YOU

• When you have a goal in mind put aside some time where you can really get into setting the goal that is going to work, time alone helps you to concentrate on making the goal powerful
• Be open to the idea that it is the emotion or gut feeling that you are trying to connect with, which is the core connection to your motivation. e.g. – the reason for over indulging is due to your loneliness, or the outcome you want is the feeling of freedom, strong emotional cues
• Connect at a heart level, meaning don’t stick to the normal, stock standard ways of doing things, connect with your heart and allow the process you choose to be appropriate to your true nature.  e.g.  Loosing weight meant I had to do more exercise, I didn’t want to give anything up, so I decided just to MOVE.  That meant dancing in my room, walking more, booking in with friends.  At a heart level, I needed a gentle introduction to a change of life so I didn’t change anything in my life, but I added something small and possible.  Now after 3 years, 5-8hrs a week is just a normal part of life.
• If you are new to using YOU within your goals.  Use the senses … smell, taste, hear, see, feel, say and write honestly how this applies to your goal. e.g. – when writing the goal start with … When I reach my goal I will smell/feel/taste/see/hear/say ….

If you can think of any other ways to bring YOU into goal setting, please add some tricks… because goal setting at the most optimal way has only got to be good, because who DOSN’T feel better when they are in action or when they have achieved something big, like giving up smoking?

Just a few days I felt confident, I started to write up a book proposal and was feeling so vibed by the thought that I was going to put a book out there, that spoke what I had been thinking.  I was a fabulous moment.

Then … I started to talk about it to others and then I started to read other books that were so good and good old doubt started to enter into my mind.

As soon as doubt found a space in my mind, it exploded like wild flowers.  The All Blacks lost and the defeatest attitude attached itself onto the already settled doubt and I was mad, angry.  I hated being in Australia, I wanted to go home.  NOW!

My reality had dramatically changed from being confident and on top of the world, to being lost and scared and needy.  What was the reality of this? and what was the illusion?

Spiritual teaching says to sit in what ever the situation or feeling is at the moment.  Not to judge it as good or bad, not to name anything just to BE.

When we are in a feeling of such energy it can be hard to look beyond that feeling to look at it from an outside perspective.  Our view is then limited.  When we sit in the feeling and just BE, it puts us in a position of openness.  A larger reality than what is directly before us.

When I allowed myself to do such a practice, I found a calmness and I asked what it was that I needed from this situation and found that TRUST and belief in myself was at the heart of the issue.  To continue with the book and put it together and to go back to the reason why I wanted the book.

I can’t say that the doubt has gone, but it has given me the opportunity to put some more passion into my book and work from this perspective, rather than from fear.

 BREATHE … DEEP BREATHING

 IN … so that when you breath in your tummy rises and not your chest.  Push that air to your tummy.

 OUT … so that yuor tummy depletes.

 Do this for only 10 secs.  Notice as you breath where the air goes to and connect your body with this action.

 COMPLETE

 LEARNING:

•  Were you thinking through that process?
• If your mind was cluttered  has that now shifted?

 APPLICATION:

 before you sleep is a good way to really notice that difference.

The goal is that I set them up, so they know what stillness means, how being present and in the moment is powerful and feeling more and more their inner essence.

The wise man said, “I may be able to help you.  But the price is so great that our entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it.  Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it.”  The king gave his assurances, and the wise man left.

A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade.  The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside.  Some letters were inscribed on the ring.  The inscreiption read: This, too, will pass. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king.  The wise man said “Wear this ring always.  Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription.  That way, you will always be at peace.”

This, too, will pass.  What is it about these simple words that makes them so powerful?  Looking at it superficially, it would seem while those words may provide some comfort in a bad situation, they would also diminsh the enjoyment of the good things in life.  “Dont be too happy, because it won’t last.”  This seems to be what they are saying when applied in a situation that is perceived as good.

The full import of these words becomes clear when we consider them in the context of the two other stories that we encountered earlier.  The story of the Zen Master whose only response was always “Is that so?”  shows the good that comes through inner nonresistance to events, that is to say, being at one with what happens.  The story of the man whose comment was invariably a laconic “Maybe” illustrates the wisdom of nonjudgement, and the story of the ring points to the fact of impermanence which, when recognized, leads to non attachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.

This comes from Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” book.

The wise man’s “maybe” signifies a refusal to judge anything that happens.  Instead of judging what is, he accepts it and so enters into conscious alignment with the higher order.  He knows that often it is impossible for the mind to understand what place or purpose a seemingly random event has in the tapestry of the whole.  But there are no random events, nor are there events or things that 3exist by and for themselves, in isolation.  The atoms that make up your body were once forged inside stars, and the causes of even the smallest event are virtually infinite and connected with the whole in incomprehensible ways.  If you wanted to trace back the cause of any event, you would have to go back all the way to the beginning of creation.  The cosmos is not chaotic.  The very word COSMOS means order.  But this is not an order the human mind can ever comprehend.  although it can sometimes glimpse it.

The monks walked on in silence.  Five hours later, as they were appraching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn’t restrain himself any longer.  “Why did you carry that girl accross the road?” he asked.  “We monks are not supposed to do things like that.”

“I put the girl down hours ago,” said Tanzan.  “Are you still carrying her?”

Now imagine what life would be like for someone who lived like Edido all the time, unable or unwilling to let go internally of situations, accumulating more and more “stuff” inside, and you get a sense of what life is like for the majority of people on our planet.  What a heavy burden of past they carry around with them in their minds.

This comes from Eckhart Tolle “A New EArth”

News of the scandal spread throughout the town and beyond.  the master lost his reputation.  this did not truoble him.  Nobody came to see him anymore.  He remained unmoved.  When the child wa born, the parents brought the baby to Hakuin.  “you are the father, so you look after him:  The Master took loving care of the child.  A year later, the mother remorsefully confessed to her parents that the real father of the child was the young man who worked at the butcher shop.  In great distress they went to see Hakuin to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  “We are really sorry.  We have come to take the baby back.  Our daughter confessed that yo are not the fater.”  “Is that so?” He allows the form of the moment, good or bad, to be as it is and so does not become a participant in human drama.  To him there is only this moment, and this moment is as it is.  Events are not presonalized.  He is nobody’s victim.  He is so completely at one with what happens that what happens has no power over him anymore.  Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness.

The baby is looked after with loving care.  Bad turns into good through the power of nonresistance.  Always responding to what the present moment requires, he lets go of the baby when it is time to do so.  Imagine briefly how the ego would have reacted during the various stages of the unfolding of these events.

This is taken from the book “A New Earth” written by Eckhart Tole