Goal Setting Tricks

Hello,

I must assume that you know the basics.

1.  Set the goal
2. Write down the intention
3. Work out the challenges
4. Set a time

Simple, yes?

I have done a certificate in professional coaching and it is through this that goal setting has taken on a whole new meaning.  Most would have given goal setting a go at some point and after some misses, give up on the idea of goal setting.

Well, I can tell you that there is an art to setting a goal. 

So … As I like to document my thoughts I have decided to break up goal setting into components and basically ‘copy & paste’ what I know and have learnt into a series of blogs.  So by the end of this, you will have hopefully great tricks to goal setting, that are above what we normally know.

The component that I would like to add to this series is the human component, the biggest part … YOU.

Goal setting can seem so traditional and business like and very regimented, but the best goals that are set are the ones that have a heavy thread of YOU throughout. 

So… trick 1. YOU

• When you have a goal in mind put aside some time where you can really get into setting the goal that is going to work, time alone helps you to concentrate on making the goal powerful
• Be open to the idea that it is the emotion or gut feeling that you are trying to connect with, which is the core connection to your motivation. e.g. - the reason for over indulging is due to your loneliness, or the outcome you want is the feeling of freedom, strong emotional cues
• Connect at a heart level, meaning don’t stick to the normal, stock standard ways of doing things, connect with your heart and allow the process you choose to be appropriate to your true nature.  e.g.  Loosing weight meant I had to do more exercise, I didn’t want to give anything up, so I decided just to MOVE.  That meant dancing in my room, walking more, booking in with friends.  At a heart level, I needed a gentle introduction to a change of life so I didn’t change anything in my life, but I added something small and possible.  Now after 3 years, 5-8hrs a week is just a normal part of life.
• If you are new to using YOU within your goals.  Use the senses … smell, taste, hear, see, feel, say and write honestly how this applies to your goal. e.g. - when writing the goal start with … When I reach my goal I will smell/feel/taste/see/hear/say ….

If you can think of any other ways to bring YOU into goal setting, please add some tricks… because goal setting at the most optimal way has only got to be good, because who DOSN’T feel better when they are in action or when they have achieved something big, like giving up smoking?

 

Doubt - Illusion or Reality

Doing something you’ve never done?  Putting yourself out there for others to see?  Competing against the pros? Feel like a beginner?

Just a few days I felt confident, I started to write up a book proposal and was feeling so vibed by the thought that I was going to put a book out there, that spoke what I had been thinking.  I was a fabulous moment.

Then … I started to talk about it to others and then I started to read other books that were so good and good old doubt started to enter into my mind.

As soon as doubt found a space in my mind, it exploded like wild flowers.  The All Blacks lost and the defeatest attitude attached itself onto the already settled doubt and I was mad, angry.  I hated being in Australia, I wanted to go home.  NOW!

My reality had dramatically changed from being confident and on top of the world, to being lost and scared and needy.  What was the reality of this? and what was the illusion?

Spiritual teaching says to sit in what ever the situation or feeling is at the moment.  Not to judge it as good or bad, not to name anything just to BE.

When we are in a feeling of such energy it can be hard to look beyond that feeling to look at it from an outside perspective.  Our view is then limited.  When we sit in the feeling and just BE, it puts us in a position of openness.  A larger reality than what is directly before us.

When I allowed myself to do such a practice, I found a calmness and I asked what it was that I needed from this situation and found that TRUST and belief in myself was at the heart of the issue.  To continue with the book and put it together and to go back to the reason why I wanted the book.

I can’t say that the doubt has gone, but it has given me the opportunity to put some more passion into my book and work from this perspective, rather than from fear.

 

BREATHING

This is a practice to shift your mind from the conditioned thinking and worry thoughts and things you have to do.  It stills the mind so that out of that you access the right side of your brain and forces you to be totally present with the world around you, with where you are.  I think it helps to also get in touch with the universal frequency.  We are all energy and depending on what we are doing we emitt our own energy out to the world.  When we are keeping ourselves busy or worried we omitt that frequency.  This frequency gets us in alignment with the universal frequency.  So that can give us the push and guidance and we don’t have to work as much.

 BREATHE … DEEP BREATHING

 IN … so that when you breath in your tummy rises and not your chest.  Push that air to your tummy.

 OUT … so that yuor tummy depletes.

 Do this for only 10 secs.  Notice as you breath where the air goes to and connect your body with this action.

 COMPLETE

 LEARNING:

•  Were you thinking through that process?
• If your mind was cluttered  has that now shifted?

 APPLICATION:

 before you sleep is a good way to really notice that difference.

 

BOOK IDEA

I’m working on bringing out a book now, so when I coach I can give that to my clients, they can read the chapter and then notice the discussion as it shows in their life during the week and then during our meetings we can discuss it openly.  It is a step by step process towards connecting their princess presence, while achieving the daily activities. 

The goal is that I set them up, so they know what stillness means, how being present and in the moment is powerful and feeling more and more their inner essence.

 

NONATTACHMENT - THIS TOO SHALL PASS

According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some Middle Eastern land who was continuously torn between happiness and despondency.  The slightest thing would cause him great upset or provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair.  A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out.  He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reuted to be enlightened.  When the wise man came, the king said to him, “I want to be like you.  Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life?  I will pay any price you ask.”

The wise man said, “I may be able to help you.  But the price is so great that our entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it.  Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it.”  The king gave his assurances, and the wise man left.

A few weeks later, he returned and handed the king an ornate box carved in jade.  The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside.  Some letters were inscribed on the ring.  The inscreiption read: This, too, will pass. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king.  The wise man said “Wear this ring always.  Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription.  That way, you will always be at peace.”

This, too, will pass.  What is it about these simple words that makes them so powerful?  Looking at it superficially, it would seem while those words may provide some comfort in a bad situation, they would also diminsh the enjoyment of the good things in life.  “Dont be too happy, because it won’t last.”  This seems to be what they are saying when applied in a situation that is perceived as good.

The full import of these words becomes clear when we consider them in the context of the two other stories that we encountered earlier.  The story of the Zen Master whose only response was always “Is that so?”  shows the good that comes through inner nonresistance to events, that is to say, being at one with what happens.  The story of the man whose comment was invariably a laconic “Maybe” illustrates the wisdom of nonjudgement, and the story of the ring points to the fact of impermanence which, when recognized, leads to non attachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.

This comes from Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” book.

 

NON JUDGEMENT - MAYBE

..the story of a wise man who won an expansive car in a lottery.  His family and friends were very happy for him and came to celebrate.  “Isn’t it great!” they said.  “You are so lucky.”  The man smiled and said, “Maybe.”  For a few weeks he enjoyed driving the car.  Then one day a drunken driver crashed into his new car at an intersection and he ended up in the hospital, with multiple injuries.  His family and friends came to see him and said, “That was really unfortunate.”  Again the man smiled and said, “Maybe.”  While he was still in the hospital, one night there was a landslide and his house fell into the sea.  Again his friends came the next day and said, “Weren’t you lucky to have been here in hospital.”  Again he said, “Maybe”

The wise man’s “maybe” signifies a refusal to judge anything that happens.  Instead of judging what is, he accepts it and so enters into conscious alignment with the higher order.  He knows that often it is impossible for the mind to understand what place or purpose a seemingly random event has in the tapestry of the whole.  But there are no random events, nor are there events or things that 3exist by and for themselves, in isolation.  The atoms that make up your body were once forged inside stars, and the causes of even the smallest event are virtually infinite and connected with the whole in incomprehensible ways.  If you wanted to trace back the cause of any event, you would have to go back all the way to the beginning of creation.  The cosmos is not chaotic.  The very word COSMOS means order.  But this is not an order the human mind can ever comprehend.  although it can sometimes glimpse it.

 

CARRYING THE PAST - LETTING GO

The inability or rather unwillingness of the human mind to let go of the past is beautifully illustrated in the story of two Zen monks, Tanzan and Ekido, who were walking along a country road that had become extremely muddy after heavy rains.  Near a village, they cam upon a young woman who would have ruined the silk kimono she was wearing.  Tanzan at once picked her up and carried her to the other side.

The monks walked on in silence.  Five hours later, as they were appraching the lodging temple, Ekido couldn’t restrain himself any longer.  “Why did you carry that girl accross the road?” he asked.  “We monks are not supposed to do things like that.”

“I put the girl down hours ago,” said Tanzan.  “Are you still carrying her?”

Now imagine what life would be like for someone who lived like Edido all the time, unable or unwilling to let go internally of situations, accumulating more and more “stuff” inside, and you get a sense of what life is like for the majority of people on our planet.  What a heavy burden of past they carry around with them in their minds.

This comes from Eckhart Tolle “A New EArth”

 

NONRESISTANCE - IS THAT SO?

The Zen Master Hakuin lived in a town in Japan.  He was held in high regard and many people came to him for spiritual teaching.  Then it happened that the teenage daughter of his next-door neighbor became pregnant.  When being questioned by her angry and scolding parents as to the identity of the father, she finally told them that he was Hakuin, the Zen Master.  In great anger the parents rushed over the Hakuin and told him with much shouting and accusing that their daughter had confessed that he was the father.  All he replied was, “is that so?”

News of the scandal spread throughout the town and beyond.  the master lost his reputation.  this did not truoble him.  Nobody came to see him anymore.  He remained unmoved.  When the child wa born, the parents brought the baby to Hakuin.  “you are the father, so you look after him:  The Master took loving care of the child.  A year later, the mother remorsefully confessed to her parents that the real father of the child was the young man who worked at the butcher shop.  In great distress they went to see Hakuin to apologize and ask for forgiveness.  “We are really sorry.  We have come to take the baby back.  Our daughter confessed that yo are not the fater.”  “Is that so?” He allows the form of the moment, good or bad, to be as it is and so does not become a participant in human drama.  To him there is only this moment, and this moment is as it is.  Events are not presonalized.  He is nobody’s victim.  He is so completely at one with what happens that what happens has no power over him anymore.  Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness.

The baby is looked after with loving care.  Bad turns into good through the power of nonresistance.  Always responding to what the present moment requires, he lets go of the baby when it is time to do so.  Imagine briefly how the ego would have reacted during the various stages of the unfolding of these events.

This is taken from the book “A New Earth” written by Eckhart Tole

 

MENTEE PROPOSAL

If you continue reading you will know my reasons for wanting support through mentorship.

My proposal is to provide you with assistance where possible in return for being able to shadow you in your practice.

I would be willing to do almost any job you deem fitting, but here are some examples of where I can participate towards your practice:

• Co-ordinating clients for your programs
• Administration
• Downloading and uploading of web information
• Organising projects
• Setting up meetings
• Contacting networks at your request
• Sending support information to your clients
• Reaching out to past client or prospects to re-ignite possible business
• Transcribing
• and any other such time consuming tasks

Going through setting up foundations, marketing plans, info-products, profiles and so on is time consuming and frankly rather draining.  So I understand the benefits of having someone do administrative tasks. 

How wonderful then would it be to free your time up at no cost to you other than sharing your knowledge on the Coaching industry and your niche.

I not only bring an opportunity to free you from documentation, but I can add an element of freshness.  As you share with me you will also see through my eyes your business, a valuable look from the outside of in. 

I envisage that you already have a fabulous practice as it stands, for I would not have attempted to contact you.  I am looking for someone who has a high standard of practice, because that is exactly where I will be.  I am hardworking and ever able to pull up my sleeves and jump in. 

I always enjoy what I am doing even when it is hard and that has come from my competitive squash background.  The benefits are always more rewarding in relation to how much quality hard work you put in.

In terms of my learning and developing my knowledge and skill through this form of training, I thought the following points would need to be considered within a successful mentorship.  This can be discussed in further detail to accomodate all needs should you decide you would like to trial this. 

• Trial period of 10 hours spent with the mentor through a combinaton of acceptable methods (see below)
• Mentorship period after trial to be agreed upon by both parties

Acceptable methods (how to accomplish the objectives):

• Watch or shadow your mentor (observation)
• Apply what your mentor has taught you (practice)
• Check back with your mentor (reflection and discussion)
• Connect with others your mentor recommends (networking)
• Phone calls
• E-mail correspondence
• Written letters
• In-person visits
• Research recommended by mentor

Proofs (what documents will provide evidence):

• Logs - detailed and signed
• Journals - detailed and signed
• Phone records
• Printed e-mails
• Written letters
• Video tape
• Time card
• Summary letter at the end of the project - detailed and signed

 

Letting go of Identity

I am on to chapter 2 of Ekhart Tolle’s book.  It discusses the ego, which in my words is a discussion about what me …. I….. myself…. are about.  It gives these concepts limits and within showing how those identities are limiting you then begin to see beyond those limits.  Everything beyond what you call Me, Myself or I.  For example, a child with a toy and when you take the toy away there is distress for the toy has formed part of the childs identity.  The identity is it the toy or more than the toy?

So … this metaphor gives a connection to how we hold on to things with thought and THINK that they form an important part of who we are.  If you look at how you think about your home that you bought, your photographs, your car.  How does that fall within your identity? with who YOU are?

Ekhart says, are we not more?  and of course, we are.  So much more.  I am having a blast reading this book.

Relating this to my Coaching practice and my business ethics then, I see that happiness and by happiness I mean a sustaining continual peaceful happiness, is what I would like to see more people experience and getting more of this happiness is interdependant with the process of letting go of things that we think form our identity, like houses, material things and letting go of thoughts that came from conditioning not from within ourselves. 

If we move closer to this depth then that will not only sustain us through life, but give us the power to enhance and connect beyond the me, myself and I concepts and that opens up so many dimensions that are limitless and formless so a curiosity and with curiosity an enjoyment.  Who wouldn’t want more of that?

 Achieving business, money, property will be looked at differently in terms of not being needy or desperate for it, but as something that is within our grasp at whatever time we deem appropriate. 

And rather than the process currently being based on limitations that many of us place on ourselves, like past experiences, future anxiety and so on.

The process would be something of a magic ride. 

I am only new to this process … say about 6 years.  But, when I was in my early 20’s my parents didn’t want to come to my graduation.  They said it was all just a show, it wasn’t what was achieved.  I didn’t go and didn’t think much of it until others were confused about why I didn’t.  This taught me a valuable lesson that it was just about recognition, about identity.  It had nothing about what it truly meant, that is the work that I had to achieve that, the work that I would do in the future because of that.  I was holding onto ‘ego’, but recognised it as ‘ego’ and then let go of other such celebrations, thinking that they had no meaning.  It allowed me not to get caught up in going to celebrations for image sake.  I also don’t hold celebrations and don’t like to because I see it as unnecessary.

I see now that there are different levels of letting go of the ego. The more I seek the more I feel like I am letting go of ‘identity’ or ‘ego’ and the more I release material things like alcohol, sex, keeping busy for the sake of being busy and things of image.

With the release of such things, comes an increase in time, in energy, in thought.  I am more peaceful at rest, I have more energy with which I invest towards getting me more energy … that could be meditation, excercise, writing, reading, cleaning, relationships with loved ones.

When I have more time for these things and more energy, the path is now chosen based on a deep decision chosen from what I call my ‘core’.  As I choose and respond more from my core, I reach destinations of my choice in the fashion that I always wished I would. 

This produces happiness throughout the process, a happiness with the ending, an curiosity in its continuation.  But … there is more because I have seen that when I choose to be happy, I also give permission for others to choose their happiness and with that the ability to recognise those first initial stages.

So my understanding of letting go of identity, the stages of that, the feeling of process with integrity and the achieving what you have always promised yourself.

This is a core to any undertaking in ones life and this is where my Coaching practice will have its foundations.

All this highlights what identity could be and why it may be good to let go, but the next question becomes how? Keep an eye open on this space and I’ll discuss further later.

peace and blessings